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[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ] Peg, here s your signed contract. Keep for your records. You owe me for this. I m not supposed to pick up the phone for clients with less than a million dollars. And I m waiving my fee, only be- cause Mom said that if I made a penny on you, she d make me do my own laundry for a month. A couple of details: 1. Mr. Yamaguchi sent a personal check for his 10 percent deposit of $100,000. I ve got it in escrow. 2. Closing date is, tentatively, July 1. Mr. Yamaguchi will pay the $900,000 balance at the closing. 3. At the closing, I will handle the payoff of existing mortgage ($80,000), taxes, fees and commission. Mom is waiving her fee for representing you. But the Corcoran Group broker gets 6 per- cent ($60,000). City transfer taxes will be approximately $20,000. Capital gains tax (15 percent of profit beyond $250,000) is $98,000. Your net profit for the sale is $740,000, give or take a few grand. 4. I will also arrange a wire transfer to your new account at Solomon Smith Barney. Thanks for hiring Rich Spawn. He s an excellent money manager, and now he owes me a kick-back for c 46 Valerie Frankel the referral. He ll give you good advice. My two cents: I recom- mend triple-tax-free bonds, providing a guaranteed annual in- come of about $28,000. Enough to live like a princess in Vermont. 5. Once the wire transfer clears (24 hours), you can go get drunk, throw a party for yourself, and everyone you know, at the Four Seasons, whatever your little heart desires. You are now a woman of means. Kind of makes me sick that I never bought an apartment in the days when Mom and Dad were doling out the down payments. How could anyone have predicted that a crappy one-bedroom in Soho would increase by 900 percent in ten years? For the first time in my life, I am jealous of you. I ex- pect that makes you feel pretty fucking good. 6. On a personal note, Stephanie and I are over. I have you to blame (thank?). She thought your leaving New York would inspire me to leave Mom and Dad s. I said, My Mom cooks dinner, does my laundry and pays my phone bill. She said, I suck your dick and mix your drinks. I said, Unless you do laundry, too, I ll be trading down. That was the last thing I said before the slap heard round the world. She ll come crawl- ing back. When she sees what s out there, I ll look great in comparison. June 15 To: Peg Silver From: Pru Silver Attachment: Five photos Peg, some photos from Bertha Billows, the broker at McLaughlin Realty. I think this place looks fabulous, and Bertha has staked her reputation (very good I made inquiries) on this farm. It s in the Upper Connecticut River Valley area, right near the border of New Hampshire. FYI: Bertha says locals call it the Upper Valley for short. It s on the outskirts of Manshire (the town you men- The Girlfriend Curse 47 tioned specifically), on a dirt road. Ten acres, a pond; the farm- house was built in 1791. It still has its original beams. The foun- dation and plumbing were renovated about seven years ago. Not ideal, but Bertha swears everything is solid and functional. Price: $180,000. If you still want to buy outright in cash (Bertha loved the sound of that), she s sure she can talk the seller down to $150,000. A very good deal. It s not Manhattan, but appar- ently, all these Upper Valley towns are seeing huge rises in prop- erty values in the past few years. Since the place is empty, you can move in at any time. Not that we want you to go. We want you to stay. Just so I have that on record. P.S. Your brother is acting strangely. Quiet, stays out late. Is taking phone calls in his room. Stephanie mailed a box to the house. I opened it accidentally the packing tape was peeling, I swear and it was full of shredded clothing, doused in honey. Do you think they broke up? I never liked her anyway. What kind of girl hangs out in the lobby with the doorman rather than spend time with her boyfriend s family? Valerie Frankel Lot number 456985545 Pottery Barn bedroom set Starting bid: $2,000 Place bid > Time left: 7 hours and 39 minutes. 10-day listing. Offer expires 6/20/05 20:30 EST History: 5 bids Item location: Grand Street, Soho, NYC Description: Five-piece bedroom set from Pottery Barn, circa 2000. All oak, in excellent condition. King-sized bed (mattress and box spring like new! hardly used! slept on by a ninety- year-old grandmother! included). Owner moving in two weeks and motivated to sell. See photos. Also, check out living room set (lot number 7899545), kitchen set dinette-style table plus vintage chairs and full day-to-day Louisville Stoneware ser- vice, along with other kitchenware (lot number 26589952), and entertainment package includes TV, VCR, DVD, stereo, speakers, 2001 iMac, HP printer (lot number 5263574). I ll pay shipping to anywhere in the Northeast, and some parts of the Midwest. And the South. Hell, I ll arrange/pay shipping anywhere, except Alaska and Hawaii. And maybe even there, if the price is right. EVERYTHING MUST GO! Sponsored by ebay.com The Girlfriend Curse 49 To: nina_pelham@goldenface.com From: pegleg@yahoo.com Date: July 3, 2005 7:38 EST Subject: my dream mountain man Nina, this is the last email I will ever send from this computer. And I m sending it to you. I hope you are sufficiently honored. I ve spent the day with the UPS man (who was NOT dreamy), tagging and shipping my bedroom to Georgia, my kitchen to Delaware and my living room to New Jersey. Rica is coming in an hour to collect all my electronics including the iMac. Funny, I thought that stuff would sell first on ebay, but I didn t get a sin- gle bid. I m happy to give it to Rica. She s been an excellent boss, and it was her idea that I become a perennials farmer in [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ] |